How To Get Over A Boy You Never Dated

By: Dylan Buckley

Updated December 21, 2020

Breakups can take a toll on our emotional wellbeing. This type of loss can leave a hole in our lives that will take time to heal. But there are also those experiencing this same loss, only with someone they were never actually romantically involved with. When we're trying to move on from a relationship that might have been, things can become complicated.

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I Never Dated Them, so Why do I Feel This Way? Can You Be Heartbroken over an Unrealized Relationship?

As strange as it might sound, getting over someone you never dated, according to experts, can be just as hard as a breakup. You can experience similar feelings: grief, sadness, frustration, rejection, disappointment, and fear.

With someone you never actually dated, according to experts you may unintentionally put them on a pedestal and assume it would have been a wonderful match, when in reality it may not have been. The rejection or loss of a potentially real and meaningful relationship can be hard to handle, but just like with a traditional breakup, you can heal and find a healthy way to move forward. We'll talk more about how you can overcome these issues throughout the article.

How do You Get Over Someone You Never Dated?

What would lead to a situation where you experience the paradox of getting over someone you never dated? Maybe you fell for a friend who didn't have the same feelings. Maybe you grew feelings for a coworker who was unavailable, or maybe you never had the nerve to explore your feelings for someone and tell them how you felt.

No matter the situation, you have no way of knowing. This is something you will want to remind yourself as you move through the process of getting over this person-you do not know that it would have worked out or been a good fit for you despite how it feels. It will not help your healing process if you spend time continuing to fantasize.

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That said, it is extremely important to acknowledge your feelings. Your family and friends might say, "why are you so sad? It's not like you were ever together." They may be well intentioned and trying to help, but this is not helpful. It will only make the recovery process longer and harder if you minimize your feelings. It is important you don't deny your feelings or tell yourself it doesn't matter because you were never "official." Pain is pain and it is not always logical. If you need to cry, cry. Give yourself permission to reach out to your support network and tell them what you need. Maybe you need to go out, have fun, and start to move forward from the relationship you realized you will never have by focusing on the future. Or maybe you need to grieve and talk about what you feel you are missing.

Journaling is a great coping skill if you do not feel like talking. You can write about your feelings and thoughts. Anytime you are able to get thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper, you will make progress with healing. Be kind to yourself as you heal and do not set a timeline for when you need to be "over it." Allow yourself to feel. It is important that you do positive things that make you feel good. It can be a good idea to seek new hobbies and activities for self-growth and improvement. You can use this time to work on being the best version of yourself.

If this person is a friend who doesn't have the same romantic feelings for you, have an honest conversation with that friend and determine whether or not you can continue the friendship. It might be too painful for you to do so, or you might want to take a break while you heal. The other person might feel too uncomfortable as well. While a conversation of this nature might feel awkward, try to not be embarrassed. It could help salvage your friendship so that you do not lose a friend. Be proud of yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your feelings.

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Another option is to sit with your feelings for a period of time and see if they fade. For example, if you develop an infatuation with a co-worker who is married or is unavailable, pause to examine what is going on in your life. Maybe you feel lonely and are ready to start a relationship and see this person as someone who would be a solution to your loneliness or desire for a relationship. Perhaps if you give yourself permission to be honest with yourself and figure out what is at the root of the feelings, you can focus on meeting new people and dating, rather than let the feelings for this co-worker grow and grow.

Counseling can be helpful in this process, as well as leaning on the support of your friends. You also want to check in with yourself and make sure you are not feeling so down that you are unable to enjoy life and meet your regular obligations.

What to Do if This Happens Often

While it is not abnormal to fall for someone who doesn't return your feelings or someone you never dated, according to experts, it might be helpful to examine why if you find yourself in this situation often. Are you afraid of rejection, so you find yourself fantasizing about people you know you will never date? Do you not think you are good enough for someone you are interested in, so you avoid putting yourself out there? Is dating overwhelming for you? There are many reasons that could lead to this happening often, and giving yourself permission to talk to a therapist can help you find the answers. It could also just be that you are ready to start a relationship and find yourself noticing any possibilities. If this is the case, you can talk with your counselor about healthy ways to meet people.

How to Cope with the Pain of Rejection for Someone You Never Dated

Although it will take time to heal, there are helpful coping mechanisms that will allow you to handle the pain that comes with rejection. Here are some of the most helpful strategies that you can employ at home.

Stay Busy and Work Towards What You Want

Avoidance is not helpful in terms of healing but doing your best to keep your mind off of the situation can lessen your pain and help you move on. One great way to do this is to stay busy and focus on other parts of your life you want to advance. You will mostly get so wrapped up that you will easily forget about your crush.

Connect with Friends and Loved Ones

Although you cannot have the person you may have wanted, you have people in your life who make you happy in a different capacity. Make a point to schedule more outings with friends and family to keep your mind off of your rejection.

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Give Yourself Permission to Get Back Out There

Don't let the pain of rejection prevent you from going after what you want. Give yourself permission to meet the many people out there who will connect with you and love you equally. If you really want to have that type of connection, get back on that horse and try again. (Just make sure you're emotionally ready for it!)

Mending the Wounds of Getting Over Someone You Never Dated with BetterHelp

Your feelings are just as real and as valid as someone who is going through a breakup after a relationship. Don't let anyone minimize your feelings and need for support. It is important to understand why this has happened and the best way to heal. It is an important time to take care of yourself and allow yourself the space to heal and move forward. Communicating with a therapist such as those found at BetterHelp can be beneficial.

BetterHelp is an online counseling platform dedicated to providing people like you with access to certified therapists from the comfort of your own home and on your own time! You can get started immediately anywhere you have an internet connection, and there are a variety of ways you can communicate with your therapist: live chat, messages, video sessions, and phone calls. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

" In one session Douglas has helped me realize and find a way to break a pattern that I've been having for the last few weeks and probably lifelong. This is going to help me improve my relationships and my life will be more fulfilling. I'm glad I got to talk to Douglas, I can sense he is a great professional."

"Erin is AMAZING. I've been having a lot of relationship related anxiety issues and she has been what I needed to FINALLY break through my own negative thoughts. She is worth every penny spent and I couldn't recommend her more. She's fantastic."

Conclusion

While falling in love with someone you can't have can be difficult, you can still get over it as you would with any legitimate breakup. Take time for yourself, get the necessary help and support, and get out there so that you can meet someone who will reciprocate your affections. With the right tools, a fulfilling relationship is possible. Take the first step.

Getting over someone who never loved you involves the same coping mechanisms as getting over someone you had a relationship with. While shared memories aren't there, you do have your memories or hopes of what you thought the relationship could be.

Due to unrequited feelings, there is a tendency not to feel good enough. This can seep into other areas of an individual's life and may cause more damage if unchecked. This leads us to the first step of coming to terms with your feelings. Give yourself permission to understand why you feel the way you do. Ask the why, what, and how to get to the root of your emotions and reasons for rejection.

To avoid bottling up your emotions, which leads to more harm than good, let them out. Creative ways to let out these emotions are journaling and creating artistic works (music, poems, dramas, painting, etc.). It is also important to lean on support systems such as family members and friends. That will prevent loneliness, which can lead to rumination on negative emotions.

Stay busy. Doing this will keep your mind occupied with other thoughts and attenuate the negative emotions caused by rejection. However, it should not be a lone method to get over someone who never loved you. An excellent way to get over someone who never loved you is to channel your energies towards self-improvement.

Finally, permit yourself to be free to move on. Do not let such negative experiences prevent you from finding and appreciating love. The best way to get over someone who never loved you is to seek the guidance and support of a certified relationship therapist such as those at BetterHelp.

Do you really stop loving someone?

While we don't necessarily "stop" loving someone, love does change. There are many types of love. When you end an intimate relationship with someone, the romantic and partnership phase of love has usually ended for one or both of you. However, this doesn't mean that you have to hate each other. It means that you just may not work well as intimate partners.

Understanding this will help you come to terms with the breakup. Depending on the depth of feelings and memories shared, it may take a long time to stop loving someone in the intimate/romantic sense.

It should be noted that stopping to love someone doesn't mean you hate or will hate them. Do not allow feelings of hate to stem out of trying not to love someone. It does more harm than good.

Some things may act as triggers that cause nostalgia for what was with that person. Frequent exposure to these triggers may also prevent waning of love towards that person. An example of such a trigger is contact with an item owned or given by that person.

How do you walk away from someone you love?

Walking away from someone you love is no easy task. However, walking away from unhealthy situations or fantasies of relationships (that never were) is something you have to do for your mental health and well-being.

A crucial step in walking away from someone you love is understanding why you have to walk away. The person may be putting up a façade that constitutes acceptance by you. It is not easy because of what you've invested in this person. However, it is better to walk away with a broken heartthan a shattered soul.

The person you are walking away from may be using you as a pacifier to soothe the mental or emotional issues they are dealing with. If this is the case, understand that you have unrequited feelings towards the person. Don't try to help the person while you're hurting. It would only lead to aggravating the pain.

Walking away is not an easy task. Utilizing support systems or licensed relationship therapy experts such as those at BetterHelp can help in walking away successfully. Whatever information you share with us at BetterHelp is protected by your privacy rights under our rights reserved agreement.

Should you walk away from someone you love?

If the circumstances surrounding the one you love are dangerous, one-sided, or non-existent, you need to give yourself permission to walk away. Avoid developing an unhealthy obsession by fantasizing about relationships that don't match your current reality. If you need help, reach out to a licensed mental health professional for support.

Any form of abuse, especially when it is continuous, should be a red flag and a reason to walk away. It doesn't have to be physical abuse such as rape or battery before you walk away. A narcissistic partner you've dated, according to experts, can play with your emotions to degrade you without physically hurting you.

When physical abuse is involved or continuous threats to life are made, it is best to seek help fast, especially from a relationship expert. Getting help from an organization such as BetterHelp with an airtight privacy rights policy that is protected under lawful rights reserved agreement, therefore, becomes vital.

How do you know if you have fallen out of love?

When you (or your partner) start to lose interest in the relationship, it may be an indicator that you are falling out of love. If the things that used to excite you about your partner no longer have the same effect on you, it is an indicator of feelings that may be waning.

Communication is a crucial factor in knowing if you have fallen out of love. Communication is a connection allowing access and passage of information between people. If talking with your partner becomes trying and tiresome, it signals that something has gone wrong. If unchecked, the relationship might collapse.

Communication and avoidance have a cause and effect relationship. When the communication between you and your partner falters, there is a tendency for one or both of you to avoid communicating. Communication is more than talking. Communication involves sharing feelings and thoughts. When someone has fallen out of love, they form a detachment then hinders the transmission of intimate feelings. The person begins to avoid their partner in some regard, particularly communication.

Another indicator that you've fallen out of love is finding faults. If you begin to continuously find faults and flaws in your partner, know that you have started to fall out of love.

If you want to save or heal your relationship, reach out to a licensed love and relationship therapy expert at BetterHelp.com. You can also share our text-works with people having this issue as provided by our reprints permissions.

How do you stop obsessing over a guy you slept with?

Understand why you are obsessive towards a guy. What exactly are the things stimulating this obsession in you? The next step is coming to terms with your feelings for this person. Do not try to suppress it forcefully. Doing that will harm you more.

Coming to terms with your obsession will help you find viable outlets for it. Also, keep your mind busy with other things you love. It will reduce the obsessive feelings. Read the daily newsletterof BetterHelp. They offer more insights on issues like this. You can also share our text-works with people who are having this issue as provided by our reprints permissions.

Does missing someone mean you love them?

Missing someone doesn't necessarily mean that you love them. You may love what they bring to the table or the contributions that they make. Missing someone, however, indicates that you have some level of likeness or affinity towards them.

When love is involved, missing goes beyond the popular norm. It reaches the level of yearning. Yearning means to have affection for or feel tenderness for a person. It is a persistent and strong desire for a person.

Do guys hurt after a breakup?

Humans tend to get hurt after a breakup. Males can hurt after a breakup too. However, most guys tend to hide their hurt after a breakup. That is why there is a misconception that guys do not hurt after a breakup.

A guy may get hurt or not, based on the circumstances of a breakup. If he did not initiate the breakup, there is a significant tendency that he will be hurt after such a breakup.

Can you miss someone you barely know?

Yes, you can miss someone you barely know. Diverse factors are responsible for this. If you see someone who checks all or a majority of your ideal partner's qualities and relate to them these feelings, there is a tendency for you to miss them when they leave.

Also, you can miss someone for the contributions they have made in certain areas of your life. You will most likely miss anyone that has made a positive impact in your life, even if you barely know them. As previously told, the contributions the person makes in your life can cause you to miss them. It doesn't mean you truly know the person.

How can you make a guy miss you?

To make a guy miss you, you have to know what he likes and his inclinations. By understanding such, you can use the information to make positive contributions to his life. The notion that men are visual is true to a point.

Communication is the primary determinant of whether a guy will miss you or not. How sweet your connection is, will be the measure of how well he will miss you. Work on your conversation skills and apply them appropriately when conversing with a guy you like.

What heartbreak feels like?

Heartbreak is a feeling of intense sorrow when an individual loses a loved one. The loss may occur when a partner wants out of a relationship, or dies. And you would mostly feel its physical sensation around your heart region. It can lead to a person feeling confused.

It is more of an emotional pain that can lead to depression, anxiety, and a feeling of hopelessness. The sooner you deal with it, the better. If not dealt with soon enough, it can lead to negative repercussions and, in some dire cases, death (often suicide).

How do you stop thinking about someone who ghosted you?

The first step is to attempt to find out why the person ghosted you. It may be no fault of the person who ghosted you. It could be a challenge of life that prevented the person from not ghosting you.

If this is not the case, take solace in that you now know the actual depth of the person's feelings towards you, even when you haven't officially dated.

Move on with the assurance that you are not in a toxic relationship. There is plenty of fish in the sea who will treat you better.

Consult with a dating expert at BetterHelp to find out more on credible people who won't ghost you.

Therapy Is Personal

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.

If you're still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@betterhelp.com. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you're interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@betterhelp.com. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on

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